My Pinot Palette Pattern

My Pinot Palette Pattern

 

Pinot Palette is a place where you can bring wine and snacks and friends (or a date) to paint a picture. There is a picture of the night and a teacher who takes you step-by-step through painting the monstrosity, I mean, lovely painting. Depending on the night you go, there is a particular painting that will be painted/taught. The choices are grim. But we're in it for the process not the product, amiright? Here are some samples:

Nice for an eight-year-old's bedroom, but where does a childless middle-aged women put this thing?

Nice for an eight-year-old's bedroom, but where does a childless middle-aged women put this thing?

Kills me. You know that in the wrong hands this thing turns into a vagina on a green flying saucer under a pair of Victorian earthworms.

Kills me. You know that in the wrong hands this thing turns into a vagina on a green flying saucer under a pair of Victorian earthworms.

I've been to Pinot Palette twice and I've had fun. Once, I went with a bunch of in-law ladies I adore and the other time, I went with a marginal-to-good date (attractive, polite, but did not ask me a single question).  Both times, I outed myself as the woman with emotional problems, the one who doesn't play well with others. Here is proof:

The official painting was a "Monet", mine was a fairy-tale crow flying into a setting sun over a mountain forest with llamas.  I liked mine better.

I mean really, was I supposed to paint that fucking horrible cartoon owl? A pair of angry great horned owls was the obvious choice.

I mean really, was I supposed to paint that fucking horrible cartoon owl? A pair of angry great horned owls was the obvious choice.

The next time I go, I'm gonna paint a naked self portrait a la Alice Neel. It should make my date super comfortable, don't you think?

 
 
The Terror Maker

The Terror Maker

My Favorite Freak of the Week

My Favorite Freak of the Week