My Favorite Freak of The Week
Rebecca Beegle. Becky Beegle. Beegle. Beegs. Called by many names, Rebecca is a talent machine, muse, rodeo queen, possibly the world's best matzo cake maker, and definitely the best hostess in the universe. She is also my dearest friend and one of the most incredible creative collaborators a person could have. She and I have put on tons of wonderful shows, gone on tours together, thrown fantastic parties, been in a movie together, taught classes, had nervous breakdowns in hotels, and baked some amazing cinnamon rolls.
Rebecca is one of those friends that divided my life into two parts--the time before I knew her, and now. I think everyone who knows her feels that way. Rebecca is cherished and adored by so many people. She's generous, brilliant, and most of all, fucking HILARIOUS! She always has the wittiest, darkest, funniest thing to say at any moment. She also has a twisted and uniquely weird way of adding to the language. Below are a few of my favorite Rebecca-isms:
- Ding Dong Ebola! Rebecca and I were talking about the terrifying reality of how easily an Ebola patient walked in and out of a Dallas hospital, how easy it was for something so spooky to happen, for a possible epidemic to go down just because a doctor wasn't exactly en pointe that day. Rebecca has since used this phrase as a kind of exclamation when calling out something horrible, or even just ridiculous, that can pop up at anytime. An example, "Oh God, Beegle, that guy sent me an unsolicited dick pic." "Ding Dong Ebola!"
- Meow. Of course she didn't invent this word, but she uses it in the most genius ways. The first time she ever used it with me, I thought, "Oh my god! I'm totally going to use that!" We were writing our very first let's-get-together-for-coffee emails to each other and she wrote, "Let's meet for coffee and a little meow." It was perfect! Meow works for EVERYTHING! Hello, Goodbye, How Awesome!, Oh no!, Ain't it the truth?, and it's perfect embolalia for any occasion. Recently, I was the chairperson at an AA meeting and as a segue to the end of the meeting I simply said, "Okay, meow, meow, let's close in the usual manner."
- Jing Jing and Timiny Tum. Jing jing is vagina, of course. Timiny tum is stomach. They sound like terrifying characters in one of the lesser-known books in the Wizard of Oz series.
- Baruch a ta do what I say. Margie, Rebecca's mom, is one of those people who knows EXACTLY how to handle any situation and is always right. Not in an annoying know-it-all way, but in a Margie-knows-what-to-do-she'll-fix-it way. Once, Rebecca and Robert (her boyfriend, Robert Melton) and I were talking about Margie's supernatural Jewish mother survival-in-all-circumstances-if-you-just-listen-to-her thing and somehow this incredible phrase popped out of Rebecca's mouth to describe it perfectly.
- Koi Vey I was texting that old man string of fish jokes to Rebecca once, "I have a haddock, I'm feeling eel, I think I need to see a sturgeon." She completely crushed it by texting back, "Koi Vey". It is now used in place of "Oy vey" if something is particularly over the top ridiculous.
- Let me tell you about my foot surgery. Rebecca and I love to talk about our physical ills. We have so many! We also realize how boring and gross old lady-ish it is to detail the minutiae of bodily issues. Rebecca saw this New Yorker cartoon and created the saying for us. An example, "How are you?" "Koi Vey! My timiny tum is fucked up, I have this weird meow on my eye, and let me tell you about my foot surgery."
She's brilliant, amiright? She can be hired to create phrases, sentences and even whole stories, scripts, films, talks, and photographs through the company she and Robert have, WrittenSpokenSeen
Oh, and did I mention she can box?